Close encounters of the new kind

By | March 28, 2006

According to the message posted on Alien Abductions Incorporated’s website (www.alienabductions.com), thousands of individuals are abducted by extraterrestrial beings each year. So you may be wondering whether watching re-runs of The X-Files for the umpteenth time will get you anywhere.

Now you do not have to waste your time waiting for aliens to show up, or worry that they will finally come for you just when you are on your way to an important meeting. For a reasonable price, Alien Abductions Incorporated (AAI) will use advanced hypnosis techniques to convince you that you have been on an interplanetary joyride.

Unlike real abductees who usually have a hazy memory of what happened to them, AAI provides personalized, realistic memories of the abduction experience. You can even choose your own scenario, such as interspecies breeding. There is also a wide range of add-on options, from 24/7 Surveillance Special (to give you that added edge of real-life paranoia) to the Evidence Kit, which contains items specially selected to heighten your experience.

For those who wish to discontinue their experience, AAI offers a low-cost course of deprogramming, medication, and therapy.

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